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THE MATCHMAKER 



a Gomedis In ©ne act 



BY 

EVERETT HENRY RUPERT 



Copyright, 1914, by Samuel PaKNCH 



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sionals will be supplied on application. Free to amateurs. 



PRICE 25 CENTS 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



THE MATCHMAKER 



B Gomedis in <^ne Bet 



BY 



EVERETT HENRY RUPERT 



COPTRIQHT, 1914, BY SAHTTBL FbBNCH 



Royalty terms for the production of this play by profes* 
sionals -vrill be supplied on application. Free to amatenrs* 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd., 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



..->* 

t''"^^" 



TMP96-007i51 



FEB 12(914 
'0)C!.D ;j6000 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 

CHARACTERS. 

Rodney Burkett The match-maker 

Pygmalion Von Hutton (dubbed "Piggie") 

His protege 
Caroline DeVoe His friend 

Scene : — Living room of Rodney's bachelor apart- 
ments, New York City. 

Time: — A spring morning. 

Time of Playing: — About nineteen minutes. 



PERSONAL PROPERTIES. 

Letter and small envelope for Rodney. Tie, 
collar and newspaper for Piggie. Hand-bag, gloves 
and parasol for Caroline. 

(i) Fire-place, with mantle. (2) Portiered door- 
way, leading into sleeping apartment. (3) Practical 
door, with hall backing. (4) Couch, with pillows 
disarranged; at one end lies Piggie's hat. (5) 
Straight-backed chair, over which is hung Piggie's 
coat and vest. (6) Chiffonier, with mirror. On 
the chiffonier, among other things, is an empty 
cigarette-case. (7) " Comfy " chair. (8) Table, 
littered with books, magazines and papers, several 
of which have fallen to the floor. Rugs, pictures, 
bric-a-brac. General air of disordered elegance. 

3 



SCENE PLOT 

I 3. I 




(9: 



1. Fire-place, with mantle. 

2. Portiered door-way, leading into sleeping apart- 
ment. 

3. Practical door, with hall backing. 

4. Couch, with pillows disarranged ; at one end lies 
Piggie's hat. 

5. Straight-backed chair, over which is hung Piggie's 
coat and vest. 

6. Chiffonier, with mirror. On the chiffonier, among 
other things, is an empty cigarette-case. 

7. " Comfy " chair. 

8. Table, littered with books, magazines and papers, 
several of which have fallen to the floor. Rugs, pic- 
tures, bric-a-brac. General air of disordered elegance. 



THE l^ATCHMAKER. 



Scene: — At rise, Rodney Burkett is discovered 
down L. reading note zvhich he has just drazvn 
■from small envelope. Burkett is a gray- 
hnircd. strong-featured, ivcU-prescrz'cd man of 
the world. In spite of his fifty-odd years, he 
has succeeded in preserving his youth, not only 
in appearance, but in spirit and action as zvell; 
at times he is prone to be boyish. He fully 
appreciates his responsibility as guardian of 
PiGGiE, hozvever, and can contemplate the 
serious crp^rf'; of life tvith more discernment, 
and with a better grace, than can many of his 
kind. Possessed of fine sensibilities, he is a 
natural enemy to disorder, and takes advantage 
of every opportunity to " straighten things up." 
This characteristic is especially noticeable in his 
dress and personal appearance. On this par- 
ticular Liorning, he appears in a spring suit of 
the prevailing color and style.) 

Rodney, (as he concludes reading note, calls 
eagerly) Piggie ! Piggie! Oh, Piggie! 

PiGGiE. {from room off l. ; impatiently) Well, 
well? 

Rodney. Are you awake, old man? 

(Pi'^GTK enters in shirt-sleeves, tie and collar in 
hand, and crosses to chiffonier, r. He is a 
hard some, zvcll-built youth of twenty, posses- 
sing an abundance of nervous energy, and an 
5 



6 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

ever-changing disposition, sunny one moment, 
and irascible the next. He is sensitive, but one 
zvhose grievances may be quickly condoned. 
He cares more for " fad " than style in dress, 
and dresses accordingly. He speaks as he en- 
ters.) 

PiGGiE. No one ever accused me of talking in my 
sleep. 

Rodney, {in mock surprise) Well, well! Up 
and dressed, all by his dear, sweet, independent 
little self. Mamma's little boy is fast becoming a 
fine, big man. 

PiGGiE. {sourly) Aw, cheese it! 

Rodney, {is perplexed. Is in the habit of prac- 
tising such cajolery on Piggie, and having it re- 
ceived and returned in the proper spirit; so when 
he speaks again, it is somewhat gravely) What's 
the matter, old man — lost something? 

Piggie. {pauses in the act of slipping tie into 
collar and speaks with just a suspicion of sarcasm 
in his voice) Yes, I lost a step o\er there by the 
door as I came in. W^ould you mind 

Rodney, {with gentle severity) Didn't you lose 
your manners also, Piggie? {with kindly sym- 
pathy) What is it, old chap? Tell it to me — • 
maybe I can 

Piggie. {shortly) It's nothing — nothing — abso- 
lutely nothing" ! 

Rodney, {leans against table supporting himself 
with his hands; good-naturedly) I guess our 
" evening out " last night didn't agree with you, 
did it, boy? 

(Piggie mumbles something to himself.) 

Rodney, {treating it all as 'a joke) Do you 
know, at the Gaiety, you were as morose as a dra- 
matic critic ; and afterwards, at Sherry's, you were 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 7 

positively rude — yes you were, you rascal ; once or 
twice I was quite ashamed of you. I fairly ex- 
hausted myself trying to cheer you up; but when I 
found that nothing would move your grouch, I 
concluded my evening at entertaining had been a 
rank failure, and brought you home, hoping you'd 
sleep it off. But, look at you! (lays note carefully 
on table, goes to Piggie and places hi s arm gently 
about the boy's shoulders) What is it, sonny? 
Come on, tell your old pal v/hat's gone wrong. 

Piggie. {shaking him off; impatiently) It's 
nothing, I tell you ; nothing's gone wrong — that is — 
anyway, it isn't so bad but what I'll get over it. 

Rodney, (slapping him on the back) Of course 
you'll get over it. We all get these spells some- 
times, (goes back l. and begins straightening up 
room) Now, pull yourself together, quick, and help 
me straighten up this room, for oh, Piggie-boy — 
(picking up note from table) what — do — you — 
think ? 

Piggie. (in a little better humor as he removes 
vest from back of chair and proceeds to put it on 
before glass) I'm trying to learn not to think, 
Rodney ; I've found it a bad habit. 

Rodney, (in ecstasy, forgetting everything else) 
She's coming to see us, Piggie^iere — this morning. 

Piggie. (making a botch of trying to appear in- 
terested) Is she? 

Rodney, (rolling his eyes heavenward) Oh-h ! 
Just wait till you see her. 

Piggie. (nonchalantly) I intended to wait. 

Rodney, (soid fully) You'll simply di-e-e 

Piggie. I think I'll not wait. 

Rodney, (hastily) Oh, no, I didn't mean that, 
Piggie; of course not. (relapsing into his former 
beatific mode of expression) But, oh-h, boy — oh — 
boy, she's a — she's a dr-ream-m-m ! 

Piggie. (taking coat from chair and repeating 



8 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

business before mirror) I need something more 
tangible, Rodney-^breakfast for instance. 

Rodney, (indignantly) Breakfast! For shame! 
Forget it, lad, forget it. (again rolling his eyes 
heavenward) You'll forget everything when you 
see her. 

PiGGiE. (definitely) Vm going. 

Rodney. Oh, no ! I didn't mean that — don't 
be a fool, boy — you see, you didn't — ah — ah — 
Confound it, Piggie, why don't you ask who she is? 

PiGGiE. You once told me that when I got 
curious to stretch my ears as far as I liked, but to 
keep my mouth shut, so I-^ 

Rodney, (despairingly) Oh, I know — that's quite 
the proper way — usually ; but don't you see, this is 
someone special. 

Piggie. (dryly) It must be to warrant such a 
fuss. 

Rodney, (re minis cently) Someone I ha^'e 
wanted you to know for years ; someone Pve often 
pictured as being your — ah — a very dear friend of 
yours; someone Fve — But what's the use? 
There's no two ways about it. Fate intended you 
for each other. I tell you, you'll fall in love with 
her at first sight. 

Piggie. (smiling significantly at his reflection in 
the glass) Oh, ivill I ? 

Rodney. But you can't help yourself. She's a 
perfect je-e-rn ! 

Piggie. (fussing nervously with his clothes) 
Possibly; but Fm not a bit fond of jewelry. 

Rodney, (exasperated) Oh, you ass! You've 
got to fall in love with her. 1 tell you. 

Piggie. (turning his head) Cot to"'' 

Rodney, (supplicating) Please fall in love with 
her, Piggie. 

Piggie. If she's all you say she is, she could 
never bring herself to care for a knock-about like 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 9 

me; and even if she could— oh, it would be impos- 
sible, Rodney. 

Rodney, (pricking up his ears — figuratively 
speaking, of course) Why impossible? 

PiGGiE. Because I — well, just because. 

Rodney, {leaning against table ag.iin; soberly) 
" Just because " is a woman's reason, Piggie. 

PiGGiE. (with impatient celerity) Because I'm in 
love with somebody else. 

Rodney, (a trifle sternly) What's that? 

Piggie. See? I knew it would be that way. 

Rodney. But you don't seem to understand, 
Piggie; this is— (abruptly) Who's the girl? 

Piggie. (irritably, tugging at his garments) 
Why, it's a friend of mine ; you don't know her. 

Rodney. But I want to know ; I have a right to 
know. 

Piggie. (turning; a trifle hotly) What right, 
pray? 

Rodney, (tenderly) The right your father gave 
me, Piggie, when he turned you over to me just 
before he died and said : " Look after my boy, 
Rodney — bring him up right. Steer him clear of 
the dark places, and teach him how to live so that 
the world will be proud of him." I've been doing 
my best for eighteen years, now, Piggie-boy. and — 

Piggie. (crosses dozun to Rodney, offering his 
hand in apology) I guess I've acted the brute, 
Rodney. I didn't intend — I don't want you to 
think I'm ungrateful, because — I appreciate all 
you've done. But 

Rodney, (drawing him close and giving him an 
affectionate shake) But what, lad? 

Piggie. You wouldn't understand, Rodney — 
it's so unusual. I 

Rodney, (giving him another shake) Hurry 
up ; out with it, boy. 

(Piggie remains silent.) 



10 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

Rodney, {in a tone more gentle) Where did 
you first see her? 

PiGGiE. At the Casino. 

Rodney. At a box-party ? 

PiGGIE. No. 

Rodney. Oh, just met her in the crowd, eh? 

PiGGIE. No. 

Rodney. (perplexed) Then I can't — you 
didn't — (light dazvning in his face) You don't 
mean on 

PiGGIE. Yes — that's it. 

Rodney, (rebukingly) Piggie ! 

PiGGIE. (drawing azuay from him) See? I 
knew you wouldn't understand. 

Rodney, (pulling him hack gently) Come here! 
Was it — was it one of the principals ? 

Piggie. No. 

Rodney. Oh-h, a chorus girl. 

Piggie. Yes. (draining azvay again) 

Rodney. (prdJing him back) Wait a minute, 
lad; let's get at the bottom of this thing. How 
did you happen to — to meet her? 

Piggie. Bobby -Gray introudced me after the 
show\ She's a friend of Bobby's sister. 

Rodney. Oh ! 

Piggie. Then we had lunch at Rector's. 

Rodney. So every night, excei)L last night, you 
have been 

Piggie. At the Casino 

Rodney. And 

Piggie. Rector's. 

Rodney, (releasing Piggie, zvho retires to the 
other side of ike room; after a pause) Fm begin- 
ning to understand last night's grouch. 

Piggie. (in a tone of surprise) Well, aren't 
you going to- — — 

Rodney, (zvith a laugh) Scold you — condemn 
you? There -seems to be no occasion for either, 
young man. You have 



THE MATCH-MAKER. ii 

PiGGiE. (returns to Rodney and grasps his 
hand earnestly) Oh, thank you, Rodney. 

Rodney, (pressing his hand war inly) Not at 
all, my boy. I was young myself — once. I know 
all about these chorus girl episodes — just how far 
they go, and how long they last. But I know some 
other things, too, Piggie, that I want you to know, 
before you make a mistake you'll be liable to re- 
gret all your life. 

Piggie. (in suspense) Well? 

Rodney. Have all the good, clean fun you want, 
my boy. Have just as big a time as your allowance 
for that purpose will permit. Enjoy yourself, and 
be a joy to others — that's what that dear daddy of 
yours would have said — but don't — don't, Piggie, 
allow yourself to become serious. 

Piggie. But what if my heart 

Rodney. You're too young to have a heart, lad ; 
and even if you're not, it isn't wise to jump head- 
long into a thing like this until you've made sure 
of the depth. 

Piggie. (turning away disgusted) Good Lord 1 
One would think you were talking to a child ! 

Rodney. No, my boy. But if you were older, 
and had had a little more experience, you would 
be able to discriminate more distinctly between 
love and infatuation. 

Piggie. Infatuation ! Rot ! 

Rodney. Isn't that it, boy? 

Piggie. (emphatically) No! 

Rodney. Aren't you merely infatuated with a 
butterfly of the moment? 

Piggie. (hotly) I'll thank you not to allude to 
her as a butterfly. Just because she's a chorus 
girl . 

Rodney. But, listen, Piggie 

Piggie. I'll not listen if you're going to insult 
her. She's just as good and true and pure as any 



12 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

girl that ever lived — and I'll make it damned hot 
for any one who says she isn't. 

Rodney, {imperiously) Piggie ! ! ! — You will 
please be careful not to repeat that outbreak. You 
are going — to stand right there, now, and look at 
th's thing calmly and with reason. When I spoke 
of this — of your friend as a butterfly, I made no 
allusion to her qualities, good or bad. I have lived 
long enough, and have had sufficient experience, 
to know that chorus girls are not only not half as 
bad as they are painted, but, in a majority of cases, 
are as good and clean as girls in any other walk of 
life. I do not question the goodness and virtue of 
your chorus girl friend, Piggie — not for a minute. 
But I want to try to make you realize that the 
world at large have no opportunity to see these 
things from the inside as we see them. One chorus 
girl becomes involved in a big scandal and {with a 
shrug) they're all like her- — that's what the world 
says. Can't you see, then, what it would mean to 
you if you should allow yourself to treat this — - 
th's little affair seriously? Jones meets Smith on 
the street and casually inquires what's become of 
Piggie Von Hutton. Aiid .Smith is surprised, and 
asks: ''What! llaven't you heard? Why, the 
poor devil married a chorus girl." 

Piggie. (grimly) Then you can bet Fd take ad- 
vantage of the first opportunity to tell Jones and 
.Smith wliere they could head in at. T'd know them, 
then, for just what they were — contemptuous, nar- 
row-minded, bigoted fools 

Rodney, (quietly) Do you realize that you are 
calling me a narrow-minded, bigoted tool. Piggie? 

Piggie. (passionately) You wouldn't sneer at 
my marriage with a chorus girl if you knew we 
loved each other, Rodney Burkett ! 

Rodney, (slowly) For your own sake, Piggie, 
and because I think so much of you, I would do 
everything in my power to prevent — that — marriage. 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 13 

PiGGiE. (incredulously, after a pause) You — ■ 
-(vonld ! 

Rodney, (softly) Yes, Piggie — I would. 

PiGGii:. (regaining his equipoise) Then you'd 
better be up and doing, Rodney Burkett — (grab- 
bing hat) for I'm going to her nozv. I'll get a mar- 
riage license and marry her before noon — and I'd 
like to see you prevent it — if you can. 

(Exits, slamming door.) 

Rodney, (after slight pause, during which he 
gases affectionately totvard door through xvhich 
Piggie has just made his exit) God bless that 
boy! Before he reaches the corner he'll repent of 
having lost his tem.per, and will be hurrying back 
to tell old Rodney how sorry he is. 

(Knock at door in Flat.) 

Rodney. (immediately on the alert) That's 
she. (hurries quietly to mirror to assure himself 
that he is presentable) 

(Knock is repeated.) 

Rodney', (takes a deep breath and calls) Come 
m ! 

Caroline, (opens door and puts head in) Well ! 

(She steps inside. Caroline is an extremely at- 
tractive girl of about nineteen. Sweet, simple, 
unaffected. She zvears a new spring bonnet, 
and a natty street costume.) 
Rodney, (goes to her and presses her hands 
warmly) Caroline — Miss DeVoe! 

Caroline. How do you do, Mr. Burkett? 
Rodney. Tickled to death to see you. How fine 
you look ! 



14 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

Caroline, (simply) Thank you. 

Rodney, {leads zvay to " comfy " chair dozvn r., 
zvhere he makes a great fuss about arranging pil- 
lozvs, etc.) Well, come in, sit down, lay off your 
wraps '■ 

Caroline. Oh, my time is very limited, Rod- 
ney—Mr. Burkett 

Rodney, (taking her things from rather re- 
luctant hands and carrying them up to couch at 
back) That's right — call me Rodney. Two old 
friends like us needn't be so conventional, need 
we? Let's see — how long is it — one — almost two 
years since I was down at your place, isn't it? 

Caroline. Almost. Vvs been in New York a 
little over a year, you know 

Rodney. (in great surprise) . Been in New 
York 

Caroline. Or didn't you know? 

Rodney. (appealing heavenzvard) Ye gods, 
hear that, now! (sinking on couch) In New York 
a little over — But, why haven't you been around 
to see us before? 

Caroline. Oh, I have been very busy study- 
ing — I came to study voice, you know ; but I did 
manage to steal an afternoon off once, and looked 
you up at the address you gave me when you were 
down in the country, but you had moved, and no- 
body seemed to know anything about you. It was 
only yesterday that I learned from Helen Gray — 
it seems she's heard her brother speak of you — 
where you were. But, oh, I had such a fright as 
I came up ! 

Rodney. (solicitoitsly) A fright? Why, 
Caroline, what 

Caroline. It was in that dark hall-way, below. 
I had got right into the middle of it — in the very 
darkest place — when some one came tearing along 
like one fleeing from a plague. He came within an 
ace of crashing into me and upsetting both of us. 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 15 

(suddenly horrified, as the fuU import of such a 
catastrophe dawns upon her) Oh, Heavens, Rod- 
ney ! What if he had! 

Rodney, {considering it a great joke) Oh, ho, 
Carohne ! That must have been Piggie. 

Caroline, (vaguely) Piggie? 

Rodney. Yes. Don't you know, I've told you 
about Piggie lots of times — finest boy in the world. 
Why, when you met him, he was going to his wed- 
ding. 

Caroli ne. Wedding ? 

Rodney. So he said. You see — (apologetically) 
he and I just had a rumpus. He thinks he's in 
love with a chorus girl, and declares he'll marry 
her whether or no. Isn't it a pity when a nice, 
bright young man like that gets those silly notions 
into his head ? 

Cv^roline. Why, if she's a nice chorus girl 

Rodney. Oh, she's a good square girl, all 
right — Piggie's too much of a man to lose his 
senses over any other kind — but — it's the looks of 
the tiling, Caroline. Think what his friends would 
say — those who are expecting such big things of 
him — if he were to tie himself up to a common 
chorus girl. 

Caroline. But, some chorus girls 

Rodney, (argumcntatively, as he gets up and 
goes L., near fire-place zvhere he kicks down the up- 
turned corner of a rug) Oh, they never get any- 
where, Caroline. Perhaps one in five thousand 
come to the front. I heard a boy crying the news 
this morning — something about a chorus girl be- 
coming a prima donna over night — but that's very 
unusual. And. anyway, Piggie would never be 
lucky enough to 

Piggie. {shouting exuberantly without) Rod- 
ney ! Rodney ! 

(Caroline rises, looking expectantly at Rodney.) 



16 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

PiGGiE. (bursts into room flourishing nezvs- 
paper) Rodney, .look at — (stops short at seeing 
Caroline. Confusion for both) Oh, I beg par- 
don 

Rodney. Take off you hat, Piggie, and r.^ake a 
bow to the lady. Miss DeVoe, my youthful pro- 
tege, Mr. Pygmalion Von Hutton. 

(They smile into each other's eyes os they ac- 
knozvledge the introduction.) 

Rodney. Miss DeVoe is the young lady of whom 
you have so often heard me speak, Piggie. I want 
yop to try to cultivate her acquaintance, (over his 
shoulder as he crosses to chiffonier, apparenilx to 
get a cigarette from his cigarette-case, zvhicJi he finds 
empty, but in reality, to throw the burden of en- 
te^'taining one another upon the young people) 
You'll like her immensely. 

Piggie. (coming dozvn in front of table grin- 
ning broadly) No doubt about that, Rodney, 
I 

Caroline. (going up and taking her things 
from couch) I believe I must be going 

Rodney, (szvinging around) Oli, don't hurry 
away, Caroline. Stay and get acquainted with 
Piggie. He's a real interesting sort of a chap — 
ah — after you get to know him. 

Caroline, (smiling at Piggie) H Mr. " Pig- 
gie " will excuse me this time, I will see you both 
again to-night — that is — (to Rodney) if you will 
accept my invitation to a box-party at the Casino. 

Rodney, (dozvn back of " comfy" chair) Well, 
that surely is lovely of you, Caroline. I am sure 
Piggie and I will be delighted to — I say, Caro- 
line, where did you say you were going to have 
that box-party — at the Casino? 

Caroline, (roguishly) Yes, the Casino. 

Rodney. (disconcerted) Well, really, Caro- 



THE MATCH-MAKER. 17 

line, I — we — ah — couldn't you change it to some 
other house? You see, Piggie has been attending 
the Casino quite regularly of late, and by so doing 
has contracted a very serious form of heart-trouble. 
It really isn't good for him to go so often. Couldn't 
you arrange for Maude Adams, or — the Hippo- 
drome, or 

Caroline. I am very sorry, Rodney, but it 
would be quite impossible to change it. You see, 
my contract reads, " the Casino." 

Rodney, (perplexed) Contract? 

Caroline. Yes — for an indefinite number of 
performances — that being at the option of the man- 
agement. 

Rodney. Performances — contract — m a n a g e- 
ment — But, I don't 

Piggie. . {catching up nezvspaper from table 
where he has thrown it, and thrusting it into Rod- 
ney's face) You old rummie, get busy and read 
your morning's paper. There — {shozving him) 
those headlines. 

Rodney. {reading) " Chorus Girl Becomes 
Prima Donna Over Night. Leading Woman Falls 
111 and Understudy — {turning to them) But, 
say, you don't mean 

Piggie. {contemptuously) Of course, Rodney, 
can't you see? Miss DeVoe is the prima donna — 
the ex-chorus girl who has set all New York talk- 
ing 

Rodney, {his brain in a whirl) What's that? 

Piggie. She's the one I've been taking to Rec- 
tor's. We've been 

Rodney. Well, Ju — das — Is that true, Caro- 
line. 

Caroline. {laughing) I guess we're guilty, 
Rodney. 

Rodney. Well, suffering — ! But, say, I don't — • 
how did you 

Caroline. Don't you remember, I told you I 



18 THE MATCH-MAKER. 

came to New York to study voice ? Then the chance 
for the chorus' came ; and I begged so hard they 
gave me the understudy also. Then, last night — 
well, you know the rest. 

Rodney. Ye gods ! And you two 

PiGGiE. (exultingly) Ah, ha, Rodney! I be- 
lieve you said this morning you would never con- 
sent to my marrying a chorus girl ! 

Rodney, (gravely) Nor shall I, Piggie. If 
le'll have you at all, you will be marrying, not the 
chorus girl, but (bowing to Caroline) the prima 
donna. 

CURTAIN. 



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